Many of the women I work with, and some men too, experience numbness or lack of sensation in their genital region, this can be for a variety of reasons. Our genitals, both male & female, if we've not had any genital surgery or physical damage to that area, for example as a result of childbirth, should, for the majority of our adult lives, be one of the most sensitive parts of our bodies to receive consensual touch that has the intention of feeling pleasurable.
The head of the penis, for example, contains 4000 nerve endings with the clitoral tip alone containing TWICE that number.
Top Tip: guys, for this reason alone among many others, don't treat a clitoris the same way you treat your own penis, it is an entirely different thing!
When we compare this to an average of 7000 nerve endings in each foot we can clearly see that these small parts of our body pack a sensory punch far greater than their size! In both cases, of course, this excludes the internal parts of the penis & clitoris, the testes & shaft for men as well as the entire rest of the clitoris, vulva & vagina for women where further worlds of pleasure are possible! Of course, different types of touch feel good in different ways & in different parts of our genitals, that's a different article! These are our pleasure centres, well, in truth, our pleasure centre is our brain but that's a neuroscience conversation for a different time!
Not all numbness is the same.
Causes of numbness vary and there are two distinct types of 'numbness'. The 'tickly pins & needles' type of numbness is almost always nerve related & the 'complete lack of sensation' numbness is usually something that should be checked out in a clinical setting in order to rule out things like diabetes, herpes, lupus or something more serious, especially if combined with any numbness or weakness in any other part of the body. Numbness is not, per se, 'normal' in this part of our bodies & usually an indication that something isn't how it should be.
Equally, there's temporary numbness, after 'vigorous' sex, for example, horse riding or cycling. This numbness will usually pass. Also, stimulation using a vibrating or electricity-based sex toy of some kind may also cause temporary numbness either before or after orgasm. If the numbness is prior to orgasm, leading to an inability to orgasm, simply turn the strength of the vibrations or power down a little, take more time & allow pleasure build more slowly.
Not all numbness is the same.
Causes of numbness vary and there are two distinct types of 'numbness'. The 'tickly pins & needles' type of numbness is almost always nerve related & the 'complete lack of sensation' numbness is usually something that should be checked out in a clinical setting in order to rule out things like diabetes, herpes, lupus or something more serious, especially if combined with any numbness or weakness in any other part of the body. Numbness is not, per se, 'normal' in this part of our bodies & usually an indication that something isn't how it should be.
Equally, there's temporary numbness, after 'vigorous' sex, for example, horse riding or cycling. This numbness will usually pass. Also, stimulation using a vibrating or electricity-based sex toy of some kind may also cause temporary numbness either before or after orgasm. If the numbness is prior to orgasm, leading to an inability to orgasm, simply turn the strength of the vibrations or power down a little, take more time & allow pleasure build more slowly.
Our bodies do not perform on command, especially as we get into our 40s, 50s & older, often requiring different stimulation at different times of life.
These temporary types of numbness are typically nothing to be concerned about as long as full sensation returns in a timely manner. That said, you may not enjoy what happens that leads up to that temporary numbness and so that's perhaps a conversation to be had with your sexual partner/s. If full sensation does not return, seek the advice of an appropriate professional, such as a medical doctor
What's common to both men & women is the impact of emotional numbness on physical numbness. The mind-body connection is well established now, in most clinical settings, and the most impactful cause of physical numbness in the genitals is, in my experience, emotional numbness as a result of trauma of some kind, usually sexual trauma.
When I talk about sexual trauma most people leap to thoughts of physical violence, perhaps to physically violent rape, for example, when in fact any form of non-consensual sexual experience can result in sex-related trauma & one of the ways that can manifest itself is in physical numbness.
What's common to both men & women is the impact of emotional numbness on physical numbness. The mind-body connection is well established now, in most clinical settings, and the most impactful cause of physical numbness in the genitals is, in my experience, emotional numbness as a result of trauma of some kind, usually sexual trauma.
When I talk about sexual trauma most people leap to thoughts of physical violence, perhaps to physically violent rape, for example, when in fact any form of non-consensual sexual experience can result in sex-related trauma & one of the ways that can manifest itself is in physical numbness.
Non-consensual sexual experience = a sexual experience where an informed & explicit ''yes'' was not given by someone of the legal age to give consent.
I've often had clients tell me ''oh, but I've never been raped or forced to have sex'', when in fact they had sex many times when, on reflection, they felt unable to say ''no''. Rape or physical force is not necessary for sexual trauma to occur or to be remembered from previous instances.
I occasionally see sex-related trauma in a spouse who has 'tolerated' sex that they are not enjoying over a period of years but they maybe don't feel they can discuss it with their partner. For them it's just easier to 'live a quiet life' and put up with occasional unsatisfying or 'bad' sex for all the other benefits of the relationship.
What we teach the body by repeated unsatisfying sex is that sex is then expected to be unsatisfying. Gradually over time a dissociation will happen both from the self as well as from one's spouse & the relationship. In my experience of working with couples where I have seen this it is very difficult to come back from so that the couple, maybe for the first time, has a genuinely mutually satisfying sex & physical intimacy life. It's possible, but difficult, & requires a lot of self-inquiry, self-awareness, willingness to say ''I'm sorry'' as well as to learn & put in the work necessary to re-build a trusting sexual relationship.
Fundamentally, for sexual trauma to be present, trauma that can potentially lead to physical & emotional numbness, all that's required is for the body's own desires, needs & consent to be overridden. That's it. The more often this happens the more deeply engrained in the neural pathways dissociation becomes & the harder it is to change. Again, it's possible, but difficult.
Fundamentally, for sexual trauma to be present, trauma that can potentially lead to physical & emotional numbness, all that's required is for the body's own desires, needs & consent to be overridden. That's it. The more often this happens the more deeply engrained in the neural pathways dissociation becomes & the harder it is to change. Again, it's possible, but difficult.
LACK OF GENITAL SENSATION SPECIFIC TO WOMEN
Perimenopause and menopause in women can lead to temporary numbness or a reduction in sensation in some or all of the genital area due to decreased estrogen levels - this is normal but the degree to which it happens may be unnecessary. Some preparation work can be done in advance of perimenopause & menopause to strengthen the pelvic floor area & increase blood flow to the area to act as a preventative measure against loss of sensation, however, there's no solid evidence that this makes a significant long term impact.
I do know from my own experience, as well as the experience of the women I work with, that preventative measures can & do make a temporary difference at least for a number of years, measures such as kegel exercises, sensate focus exercises & practices such as Orgasmic Meditation. As with many other aspects of female sexual pleasure, there are an absence of data here, more study & research is needed.
Equally, systemic & localised HRT both have been proven for decades to have enormous & safe benefit for the women who can take & use them. Systemic HRT is Hormone Replacement Therapy that is usually taken daily & orally, or through a patch or cream, and it impacts the whole body whereas localised HRT purely effects the area it is applied to, specifically the genitals, & comes in a significantly lower dosage than systemic HRT. Localised HRT can have the effect of increasing blood flow, therefore increasing sensation, as well as improving both the ability to orgasm & the speed with which a woman can orgasm - both of which can be significantly impacted by perimenopause & post-menopause.
If you're a woman in your mid 40s upwards I highly recommend finding & speaking with a medical practitioner who is both perimenopause & menopause aware but also up to date on all current information regarding HRT, including the use of testosterone for women to support increased libido. It's never too early, once you've past 40, to begin to plan for this next inevitable stage of your life, one that will, most likely, impact your sex life & intimate relationship/s significantly.
Damage to the vagina, vulva, perineum or any other part of the genito-urinary anatomy during pregnancy or childbirth is a common cause of lack of sensation for women, sometimes permanently depending on the nature of the injury. Though this is not something that women simply have to live with, options exist & in this instance I would recommend seeing a physiotherapist with expertise in the female pelvic region.
If you're a woman in your mid 40s upwards I highly recommend finding & speaking with a medical practitioner who is both perimenopause & menopause aware but also up to date on all current information regarding HRT, including the use of testosterone for women to support increased libido. It's never too early, once you've past 40, to begin to plan for this next inevitable stage of your life, one that will, most likely, impact your sex life & intimate relationship/s significantly.
Damage to the vagina, vulva, perineum or any other part of the genito-urinary anatomy during pregnancy or childbirth is a common cause of lack of sensation for women, sometimes permanently depending on the nature of the injury. Though this is not something that women simply have to live with, options exist & in this instance I would recommend seeing a physiotherapist with expertise in the female pelvic region.
Of course, women who've experienced any form of FGM (Female Genital Mutilation), which in some countries is up to 97% of the population, will be significantly impacted in terms of their ability to both experience sensation as well as sexual function & pleasure. Again, though, this is not something that simply has to be tolerated.
Some organisations exist in countries where FGM is common to support women to recover from this experience as much as is possible, including surgery to repair fistulas etc & psychological support to ease stress & emotional discomfort. Advancements are also being made in reconstructive surgery though it is in it's infancy & only available to a tiny minority of effected women. Equally, in many 'western' countries, such as Ireland, some organisations exist that provide both mental & physical health supports to girls & women who've survived FGM, such as the organisation I'm very proud to have had a connection with for nearly 3 decades, the Irish Family Planning Association.
Lack of Genital Sensation Specific To Men
Lack of Genital Sensation Specific To Men
The most common form of genital numbness I work with in men, though it's not the only kind that exists, is more a lack of sensation than numbness. It's a lack of sensation caused by repetitive & recurrent aggressive masturbation, usually while using pornography at the same time. Some people in the sex therapy world call this 'the death grip' or 'death grip syndrome' though it's important to note it is not a clinical diagnosis.
In my own practice I'm seeing it increasingly in more & more men, as well as hearing about it from their sexual partners, & it's significantly impacting their ability to have meaningful & mutually satisfying sexual experiences with partners.
In a nutshell, it is what results from a man masturbating while holding his penis very tightly, more tightly than a vagina, consequently he finds it difficult & sometimes impossible to experience orgasm and/or ejaculation during intercourse, oral sex or masturbation by his partner. He has trained his body to orgasm one way, & only one way, so that other forms of pleasure that could lead to intense pleasure or orgasm do not feel as pleasurable or even possible, therefore probably are, unfortunately, also uninteresting. This can be unsatisfying & frustrating for both parties as it can lead to feelings of a lack of intimacy & connection during sex.
We condition our bodies into 'liking' certain activities, however, we can condition our bodies to ONLY 'like' certain things meaning that we shut off myriad sexual possibilities by conditioning our body to only like one form of masturbation or route to orgasm, for example, when many other possibilities exist to explore & experiment with - sex should be about the journey, not just the destination!
The more often we engage in an activity, aggressive & tightly pressured masturbation in this instance, the more engrained it becomes & the harder it is to experience pleasure in any other way. This is what I focus on with the men I work with in this way - expanding their possibility for pleasure in other ways rather than the one or two ways they have trained their body to feel the most intense pleasure & orgasm.
Long distance repetitive cycling can also lead to genital numbness in men. In a study from 2001 61% of male cyclists reported genital numbness and decreased sexual function. We can surmise that prolonged pressure may cause some nerve damage & therefore negatively impact the sensory capabilities of men who cycle long distances frequently.
Equally, just as women who've experienced FGM face challenges with regard to their sexual function & pleasure, often men who've experienced 'circumcision' can feel that it's physically and/or emotionally impacted them in a negative way. Again, there is an absence of robust data here because it's impossible to measure the amount of sensation & pleasure experienced by circumcised men vs uncircumcised men, it's subjective not objective. But, for me, if a man feels that his pleasure & sexual function has been negatively impacted by 'circumcision' then that's all the evidence that's required to say that it has. Here, there may be some physiological work that may alleviate physical symptoms but there is definitely work that can be done on a psychological level to ease discomfort. I would recommend attending a reputable & suitably qualified sex therapist for this work.
Long distance repetitive cycling can also lead to genital numbness in men. In a study from 2001 61% of male cyclists reported genital numbness and decreased sexual function. We can surmise that prolonged pressure may cause some nerve damage & therefore negatively impact the sensory capabilities of men who cycle long distances frequently.
Equally, just as women who've experienced FGM face challenges with regard to their sexual function & pleasure, often men who've experienced 'circumcision' can feel that it's physically and/or emotionally impacted them in a negative way. Again, there is an absence of robust data here because it's impossible to measure the amount of sensation & pleasure experienced by circumcised men vs uncircumcised men, it's subjective not objective. But, for me, if a man feels that his pleasure & sexual function has been negatively impacted by 'circumcision' then that's all the evidence that's required to say that it has. Here, there may be some physiological work that may alleviate physical symptoms but there is definitely work that can be done on a psychological level to ease discomfort. I would recommend attending a reputable & suitably qualified sex therapist for this work.
How would I know if I'm lacking sensation?!
I think this is, in my experience, the most interesting question to ask on this topic. Again, in my experience, most people are unaware that they are, in fact, lacking sensation in their genitals, & it's only when they engage in Sensate Focus, Orgasmic Meditation, Mindful Sex etc that they become aware that they were, in fact, not experiencing their body to the fullest of it's pleasurable capacity.
Most of us have been conditioned to think that sex has to be a certain way, that certain things have to happen a certain way & in a certain order, this is especially true for those who've grown up in the internet age using online pornography.
It can't be said frequently enough - pornography is NOT education.
What we see in mainstream porn is NOT what the vast majority of people experience maximum pleasure from, in fact, I'd go so far as to say that what we see in mainstream porn actually numbs us, both physically & psychologically, to what is truly & deeply sexually satisfying to the vast majority of women & men.
It is difficult, in a world where access to evidence-based good quality sex education for adults is either non-existent or hard to access. How are people supposed to find out what's possible to explore & experiment with other than through their own limited trials & errors or by accessing pornography? Sure, our species has been reproducing for many millennia, but I'm not talking about basic reproduction here or 'rubbing out' a basic orgasm, I'm talking about rich pleasure, deep intimacy & connection, the states of bliss & ecstasy that are possible for us in sexual intimacy.
It is difficult, in a world where access to evidence-based good quality sex education for adults is either non-existent or hard to access. How are people supposed to find out what's possible to explore & experiment with other than through their own limited trials & errors or by accessing pornography? Sure, our species has been reproducing for many millennia, but I'm not talking about basic reproduction here or 'rubbing out' a basic orgasm, I'm talking about rich pleasure, deep intimacy & connection, the states of bliss & ecstasy that are possible for us in sexual intimacy.
We can't know what we're missing if we think that what've we've always been doing is all there is.
Again, I want to recommend a good sex therapist to support you to explore this - sex therapists are not just for when there are problems, we really love working with people to enhance their sex lives too!
Click here to go to the Free Resources page which contains a some resources to support adults experience deeper, richer, more informed & therefore more pleasurable physical & emotional intimate lives.
Written 22nd October 2022
Again, I want to recommend a good sex therapist to support you to explore this - sex therapists are not just for when there are problems, we really love working with people to enhance their sex lives too!
Click here to go to the Free Resources page which contains a some resources to support adults experience deeper, richer, more informed & therefore more pleasurable physical & emotional intimate lives.
Written 22nd October 2022
